


Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot

by danceswithgary



Category: Smallville
Genre: Amnesia, Dialogue-Only, Humor, M/M, Podfic, Podfic Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-25
Updated: 2006-12-25
Packaged: 2017-10-03 23:35:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danceswithgary/pseuds/danceswithgary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One unforgettable kiss. Or was it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot

**Author's Note:**

> Podfic at: <http://www.audiofic.jinjurly.com/should-auld-acquaintance-be-forgot>

"Clark?"

"Mmmmm?"

"Clark, why are you in my bed? And when is your father going to show up with his shotgun?"

"Just a little longer, Mommmm..."

"Clark!"

"Stop poking me! Lex?"

"Now that you're back in the land of the living, Clark, you can answer my question."

"What?"

"Why...are...you...in...my...bed?"

"Well, ummm, you see..."

"How long do you think this explanation is going to take because I'm feeling the need to take care of some urgent personal needs very soon?"

"Hunh?"

"I have to take a piss."

"..."

"Gee, Clark, I'm not sure I've seen that particular shade of red before. What color would say your cheeks are right now? Bright strawberry? Say, it's not just your cheeks...and... Are you naked? In my bed?"

"..."

"Fine, I'll go answer nature's call and hopefully you'll be able to do more than blink and imitate a blowfish when I get back."

"..."

"Hmmm. Clark, I seem to be naked too."

 

. . .

 

"Here, catch. Maybe we can actually have a conversation if we're wearing a minimum of clothing."

"Lex, why do you have pajama bottoms that fit me?"

"So *now* you can talk. You won't tell me why you're in my bed, *naked*, but you're willing to pursue the mystery of appropriately sized attire being available to clothe the previously mentioned nudity? We can have that discussion, but it won't deter me from my first question. Why did I wake up with you in my bed?"

"Boy, are you cranky when you wake up. OK, we'll ignore the clothes...I mean we'll talk about the clothes later. Can you turn your back?"

"A little late to be modest, don't you think?"

"Just because it doesn't bother you to parade around without clothes."

"Nobody said you had to watch me walk into my own bathroom."

"..."

"Nobody told you to watch me walk back out of my bathroom and locate clothes for both of us to wear, either."

"Geez, Lex, you could have grabbed a towel or something. And, why do you have so many mirrors in your room anyway? Never mind, don't answer that question. We'll put it on the list for later."

"Fine, I'll turn around. Well, I'm waiting."

"I was sleepwalking?"

"And sleep stripping? Me as well as you?"

"This isn't the way I saw this happening."

"What happening?"

"Me...telling you about...everything? Do you suppose that maybe you could sit down or something? It's kind of hard for me to think when you're *looming* over me like that."

"..."

"Thanks, that's better. Although I was kind of thinking the chair, not right next to me..."

"Clark..."

"Do you know what day this is, Lex?"

"What day...why?"

"Can you just tell me?"

"January first. New Year's Day."

"Good. That's good. It's not as bad as it could be."

"Clark, you're not inspiring me with a lot of confidence here."

"OK, what's the last thing you remember before you woke up this morning?"

"I was making sure everything was ready for the party just before I changed...did I get hit on the head again?"

"No."

"That's good, the last thing I need is another concussion. So go on, I'm still waiting for something to make sense here. You know, Clark, you're really warm. Are you feeling OK?"

"I'm fine. It's my normal temperature and sort of part of what I'm trying to tell you. You know how you used to bug me all the time about things you said I did and I sort of said that they couldn't happen?"

"You mean how I used to get upset about you lying to me until I decided not to ask anymore because I didn't want to lose you as a friend?"

"Um, yeah. You see...I'm not like everyone else."

"Neither am I, Clark. Most people figure that out with one look at my head."

"I mean I'm not like anyone else on Earth."

"You're a mutant, like me."

"No, I mean I wasn't born on Earth."

"..."

"Lex, you're kind of turning blue. Can you breathe for me? Lex?"

"I'm OK, I'm OK, you can stop shaking me now. And ouch. Take it easy on the arms."

"Keep breathing. There's more. I run really fast, I'm really strong, most things can't hurt me and I can see through things. Oh and I can light fires with my eyes."

"So you're like one of the all-in-one camping tools they advertise on late night television."

"Glad to see you haven't lost your sense of humor, Lex. Except that wasn't very funny."

"Stop pouting. I had to do something to relieve the tension in here. Did you somehow tell me this last night and...what?"

"No, I just decided when you woke up that I couldn't let things continue any further without telling you the truth."

"What things?"

"Kissing and stuff."

"Kissing? As in us kissing each other?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Clark, what happened last night?"

"You know those foufy egg things your party designer decided would be fun?"

"Those 'foufy' eggs are cascarones and they date from the Renaissance period. They were filled with perfume and glitter. It was considered good luck to have them broken over your head."

"Oh, I got lucky all right."

"What do you mean? You...me...we...in the bed..."

"No! No, not like that. Nothing happened in the bed."

"Somewhere else in the house? The coatroom?"

"No, Lex, nothing happened except a kiss."

"We kissed. And I don't remember it. Damn!"

"Umm, back to the eggs. At midnight, we were kissing and someone broke an egg over my head and...I sneezed."

"So another alien power is super sneezing? I was blown away by snot? I think I would have preferred another lie."

"No! Let me explain. I have a new power that just showed up recently and I haven't quite got the hang of it yet. And it was a total accident last night, I didn't mean to suck out your memory."

"I kissed a memory-sucker. I can't believe it. I've woken up in the middle of a bad science fiction movie. When does Captain Kirk arrive?"

"Lex, you're not helping. Listen, what's the first thing you do when you're going to sneeze?"

"Cover my mouth?"

"Good answer, your mother would be proud. But not the one I'm looking for. You take a deep breath."

"So, you took a deep breath and..."

"You weren't exactly letting me breathe. I could have broken something if I tried any harder to pull away."

"Must have been a hell of a kiss."

"It was, but that's not my point. I ended up sucking air for the sneeze from your mouth. Strictly an involuntary reflex."

"And that..."

"Took your memory, you know, that power I mentioned. You were actually lucky. Lana lost a week."

"You kissed Lana? And took her memory away?"

"Technically, she kissed me, but yeah. That's when I found out about my new power. Funny, no one seemed to notice Lana was a week behind everyone else. Not even Lana, at least not right away."

"There's a surprise. I personally have always thought she was a lot farther behind than that."

"Why Lex, you almost sounded jealous."

"So my short-term memory was gone and you were in the middle of a sneeze. Wait, did you sneeze with Lana too?"

"Not exactly. Although I did take a really deep breath all of sudden while she kissed me."

"Deep breath because..."

"She grabbed my crotch."

"That slut. She deserved to lose more than a week. Right, back to my kiss. You were about to sneeze and..."

"You passed out and let go in time for me to make *my* mother proud and cover my mouth. Then I carried you upstairs and got you into bed."

"Clark, really, I'm not that kind of guy."

"I repeat. Nothing happened."

"So, the clothes fairy came, waved his magic wand and poof, we were both naked. And in my bed. Together. And I don't remember it. Let *me* repeat. Damn!"

"I couldn't just drop you on your bed and leave. We were covered in glitter and perfume."

"And snot."

"I told you, I covered my mouth! God, you're a pain sometimes."

"And you kissed me anyway. Must be love. To recap, we were covered in noxious substances..."

"So I had to undress you and get you into the shower."

"And naturally, I couldn't stand up by myself so you had to be in the shower with me and you don't shower with your clothes on. Not fair, you got to see me naked, but I missed my chance. Well, actually I didn't because I saw everything when you got dressed this morning."

"Hey, you turned around!"

"And you had just complained about the number of mirrors in my bedroom. At least I know I'm not potentially dealing with a tentacle or two. So I'm naked and clean and not alone in my bed."

"I couldn't very well go off and leave you alone, passed out and with no idea how much of your memory was gone."

"Very thoughtful of you, considering you caused it."

"It wasn't me, it was that stupid egg!"

"Point taken. So, when exactly did you become a *gay* alien? What about Lana, Chloe, Kyla, Alicia or...."

"I think it was after an accident. And, nothing happened with any of those girls. And I mean *nothing*."

"An accident turned you gay? What happened? Did you get hit in the head or something?"

"No, although the car that hit me and then had its roof ripped off was totaled. Oh, and my clothes were soaked."

"Since...damn it, Clark, why'd you wait so long to tell me?"

"I was waiting for you to make the first move. Hello, hick alien here. Wasn't sure you'd want to date someone from another species, let alone one who grew up out in the middle of the cornfields of Kansas. Kind of felt out of my league when it came to a highly eligible very wealthy genius-about-town."

"So I finally took a chance last night?"

"No, I just got tired of waiting and you looked *so* good and I figured what better time to make a fresh start than New Year's Eve? So when midnight came around I made sure I was next to you and...I already told you the rest."

"All right, let's make sure I've got this straight."

*snicker*

"Nice, Clark. Try to repress that twelve-year-old sense of humor, OK? I already feel like I'm robbing the proverbial cradle."

"Sorry."

"Let me start again. We're best friends. You want me. We haven't done anything but kiss, which I can't remember, we've seen each other naked and haven't run away screaming, slept together...and you're worried whether I'll want to have sex with a non-human?"

"OK, so far."

"Come here, you idiot alien and let me show you just how much I want you. I intend to make this first kiss memorable."

"Mmmmm, Lex. Your skin is so soft and warm and do you think we could get these off..."

"I'm sorry, what was your name again?"

*groan* "You've got to be kidding."

"Actually, I am."

"You're a laugh a minute, Lex. Remind me again why I wanted you to be my boyfriend?"

"..."

"That works."

**Author's Note:**

> undermistletoe Challenge Mystery Schmoop


End file.
